Ryan and I spent the weekend at my parents' house, basking in the summer sunshine, and floating in their refreshing pool. It was wonderful - especially since I haven't been to the pool since mid-June. June was also the last time I've enjoyed outdoor recreation this summer. I've been crazy busy! But this week is my official vacation - and I plan to spend as much of it outside as possible.
While spending time with my family I witnessed quite possibly the cutest moment ever between my dad and Ryan.
Let me set the scene: My parents' next door neighbor had a baby about 3 months ago. All my mom can talk about is this little boy, Noah. She's fallen head-over-heels for him, which is humorous considering that her initial reaction to becoming a grandmother was apprehension ("I'm just not ready to be called grandma yet!").
So, I've been waiting with great impatience to meet and hold Noah in my own arms. Finally, an hour before Ryan and I had to leave, Noah and his mother and big sister, Yara, came over to jump in the pool. I held and rocked Noah and got my "baby fix" for awhile. Then, since I promised Yara I would play with her too, I handed over Noah into Ryan's arms.
Ryan was adorable holding Noah, but that's not the cutest moment ever. I had to smile at Ryan's initial awkwardness, imagining how he would look in December holding his own son or daughter. It was a beautiful preview of what is to come.
The cutest moment ever happened when my dad took Noah and realized a diaper change was in order. I glanced over to see my dad teaching Ryan how to change a diaper. They were intently bent over Noah, who was laying on one of the shaded lounge chairs. What a picture perfect moment! It was Ryan's very first lesson in baby care, and who better to teach him than my dad? Cutest moment ever, for sure.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, July 28, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
Lilo & Joel's Wedding
This is one of my most favorite photos from the wedding mass. Lilo & Joel were just married. You can see the rings on both hands - Joel has to wear his on the right hand because it's easier to put on than the left hand.
There are still the remnants of the accident, but there is a much stronger sense of perseverance. These two were determined to get married on June 28th, no matter what! And now they stand as man & wife, ready for all the joys and trials of marriage.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Wedding Season in Full Force
I just realized that it's been nearly 2 weeks since I last posted and if I don't post now it's not going to happen for another week!
Life has been crazy. When I last left you we were approaching moving day. Rather than intimately (and excessively) detail all the fun and exciting events, I thought I would leave you with a synopsis instead.
Life has been crazy. When I last left you we were approaching moving day. Rather than intimately (and excessively) detail all the fun and exciting events, I thought I would leave you with a synopsis instead.
- SATURAY, JUNE 21 - Finished packing and moved all the furniture with the help of 6 friends, 2 trucks, and a philosophy discussion over pizza & beer. Enjoyed the evening with more friends who cooked us our first dinner in the new apartment.
- SUNDAY, JUNE 22 - Ignored the mess in the house and finally concentrated on my CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) meeting later that evening. It was kind of important, considering that I'm the leader...
- MONDAY, JUNE 23 - Took the day off from work to sleep-in and clean the old apartment. We turned in the keys. Then we immediately went over to Lilo & Joel's new house to help paint. I avoided the paint fumes by playing with the electric screwdriver - the only appropriate job in my condition.
- TUESDAY, JUNE 24 - Returned to work for a short 2 days. In the evening Ryan and I went back to Lilo & Joel's to help move in the furniture. Again I found another (appropriate) task - housesitting while guys were out with the trucks picking up new loads.
- WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25 - Another day of work. Then Lilo's bachelorette party. Since I couldn't enjoy the dollar margaritas at Hacienda, I encouraged others to enjoy them in my stead. I also became the principle photographer for the evening.
- THURSDAY, JUNE 26 - Joined the bridesmaids and mothers at the spa for a pedicure and nail polish in the morning. Then I shopped for a dress for the wedding (there's no better time than the day before an event for a procrastinator!). In the evening we hashed out the wedding rehearsal and enjoyed a nice dinner afterward. Again, I committed the day to memory via my sweet digital camera.
- FRIDAY, JUNE 27 - Chaos ensued! I joined the girls at my mother-in-law's home for hair, make-up, and getting dressed. I felt pretty suave at my photography skills until the professional came. Then I rushed home to get ready, rushed to the church to decorate and take a few pictures, and basically didn't sit still until the wedding mass began. Lilo & Joel were married. It was a sobfest. Then we partied late into the night...
- SATURDAY, JUNE 28 - It was a pajama day! I decided to do nothing all day long - which involved a Bones, Season 2 marathon and french fries from Culvers (the only kind in town that are crinkly).
- SUNDAY, JUNE 29 - Ryan and I (finally) tidied up our new apartment. I reorganized the pantry and bookshelf, which made me very happy. At least 1 room in the new place now looks livable. I spent the evening with my CRHP ladies.
- MONDAY, JUNE 30 - Back to work to train my replacement temp. Come October I am no longer an employed woman - I'm a stay-at-home (almost) mom! In the evening we enjoyed a steak dinner at my in-laws home. Everyone was still coming down from the wedding high over the weekend.
- TUESDAY, JULY 1 - My houseguests returned home. I was sad to see them go, but they'll be moving to town in 3 weeks! Suddenly everything was very quiet...
- WEDNESDAY, JULY 2 - Today I must order or create invitations for my best friend's bridal shower. She was my maid-of-honor and I will be her matron-of-honor in October. I've also got to pack to go to Columbus tomorrow - we have another wedding to attend! As soon as one wedding event ends, another starts up. It's truly Wedding Season in full force!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Funny How My Pathetic Attempts at Trust Always End Up Overwhelming Me With Grace
It occurred to me last night that this move will be doable. I don't know how. I have a very flimsy plan. But all the concerns I've been holding onto so tightly are just slipping away - like when one tries to grasp sand in his fist. The more I voice my doubts, the more obvious it seems that my arguments are weak and pathetic.
I saw the new apartment last night. There is space! And there are closets. And - perhaps - I might even like it better than the current apartment. Maybe.
I also attacked the packing.
First came the list for my mother-in-law and Baby Sister - who are beyond wonderful! They are going to help me pack while I'm at work. I just left them a list of things to pack and they are going to make it happen. When I return home this evening there will be magically full boxes, ready for transportation.
As I was explaining the list to Baby Sister she just looked at me and asked, "And what else?" As in, it really won't take us 3 hours to pack the things on your list - add more to it! Well... Ok... I guess the packing won't take quite as long as I had anticipated. The list increased.
Ryan also informed me that we have two strong men to help us from his Christ Renews His Parish group. One comes with a truck. More blessings!
So, all three of my original concerns are answered: a free truck, volunteer crew, and no penalties for leaving early. I barely moved my will in the direction of trust and I am already answered tenfold. Amazing. Grace.
I saw the new apartment last night. There is space! And there are closets. And - perhaps - I might even like it better than the current apartment. Maybe.
I also attacked the packing.
First came the list for my mother-in-law and Baby Sister - who are beyond wonderful! They are going to help me pack while I'm at work. I just left them a list of things to pack and they are going to make it happen. When I return home this evening there will be magically full boxes, ready for transportation.
As I was explaining the list to Baby Sister she just looked at me and asked, "And what else?" As in, it really won't take us 3 hours to pack the things on your list - add more to it! Well... Ok... I guess the packing won't take quite as long as I had anticipated. The list increased.
Ryan also informed me that we have two strong men to help us from his Christ Renews His Parish group. One comes with a truck. More blessings!
So, all three of my original concerns are answered: a free truck, volunteer crew, and no penalties for leaving early. I barely moved my will in the direction of trust and I am already answered tenfold. Amazing. Grace.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Big Two - Our Second Anniversary
Today Ryan and I have been married for 2 years. That seems like both a long and a short time. In the overall scheme of life 2 years isn't very long. And we hope to be married for many, many years. At the same time, I can't imagine not being married. It's so natural to me - to be Ryan's wife. It feels like we've always been married, it's just so right.
It's interesting to think back on how our lives have progressed in the last two years. Here's a synopsis:
It's interesting to think back on how our lives have progressed in the last two years. Here's a synopsis:
- May 2006: Graduate from Franciscan University
- June 10, 2006: Our wedding day
- June 2006: Move into a new apartment, town, and school; Prepare for graduate school
- August 2006: Ashley starts a temp job on campus and Ryan's graduate school classes begin
- October 2006: Ashley begins a brief entry into her favorite ministry, Catechesis of the Good Shepherd
- May 2007: Ashley's temp job becomes a salaried position, Ryan's stressful 1st year of graduate school comes to a close
- June/July 2007: Move to a new apartment
- August 2007: Ryan changes departments and advisors (the best change ever!)
- September 2007: Joel's accident happens and very long recovery begins*
- February/March 2008: Ashley & Ryan attend Christ Renews His Parish retreats, and enter into a new ministry with the church
- April 2008: Find out we're having a baby!
- May 2008: Ryan's 2nd year of graduate school ends
- June 27, 2008: Lilo and Joel's wedding (postponed from December)
- June/July: Move to another new apartment
- August 2008: Begin job as Residence Directors and Ryan's 3rd year of graduate school
- December 2008: Welcome our first baby into the world
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A (Nearly) Finished Scrapbook
For the past several months I have been working on a scrapbook with my mother-in-law. I think we began it last August - but took a long break from October to January. It's been a long project, to say the least. And we finally reached the joyful moment of putting the finished pages in the album last weekend. Just in time.
The scrapbook is actually a gift for Ryan's youngest sister, Steff, who is graduating from high school at the end of May. It's tradition in their family to prepare a scrapbook of the graduate's 18 years of life and present it on graduation day. I was called in to help with the project because Steff was the scrapbooking queen for her older brother and sister, and there are no younger siblings to carry on the tradition for her. It actually worked out well because I love to scrapbook and I really love my newest little sister.
It's been such an interesting project for me to work on. First of all, I've spent a lot of time in cahoots with my mother-in-law. I am so thankful that we get along really well! We've had a lot of fun shopping at the huge scrapbook store for colorful papers and stickers and sifting through boxes of old family photos. I've tried to keep her motivated and on track and she's let me take charge of organizing the project. We've spent countless hours together in the basement pouring over stencils, scissors, and adhesives with old chick flicks on tv keeping us company in the background. In the last year I've spent more time with her than any of my other girl friends!
Secondly, it's quite intriguing to piece together a scrapbook of someone else's life. I showed up in Steff's family about six years ago and have my own perspective on her life from that time. Until 2002, however, it's mostly unknown to me. How are you supposed to pick out the most important memories for someone else? But it's been fun to delve into her life, to see pictures of her growing from a baby into a young woman. So, I just picked my favorite pictures and went crazy on the page design.
Third and finally, I've realized that this project really is a labor of love. There was a moment a few weeks ago when the thought suddenly occurred to me that I would not be the owner of the pages I had so painstakingly created. As an artist, it was a sad moment to know that I was giving away a piece of myself, never to return. But as a sister I was able to embrace the sacrifice because my love for Steff is so much greater than my selfishness. And I knew that of all people Steff would understand the nature of my gift.
She graduates in 8 days. The 2 volume album contains over 120 total pages. There are only 3 pages yet unfinished. I've spend almost every weekend for the last 4 months pouring over this book. But most importantly, I've gained more than I've given - in relationships, self-sacrifice, and introspection. Now it's time to begin the work on my own scrapbooking projects!
The scrapbook is actually a gift for Ryan's youngest sister, Steff, who is graduating from high school at the end of May. It's tradition in their family to prepare a scrapbook of the graduate's 18 years of life and present it on graduation day. I was called in to help with the project because Steff was the scrapbooking queen for her older brother and sister, and there are no younger siblings to carry on the tradition for her. It actually worked out well because I love to scrapbook and I really love my newest little sister.
It's been such an interesting project for me to work on. First of all, I've spent a lot of time in cahoots with my mother-in-law. I am so thankful that we get along really well! We've had a lot of fun shopping at the huge scrapbook store for colorful papers and stickers and sifting through boxes of old family photos. I've tried to keep her motivated and on track and she's let me take charge of organizing the project. We've spent countless hours together in the basement pouring over stencils, scissors, and adhesives with old chick flicks on tv keeping us company in the background. In the last year I've spent more time with her than any of my other girl friends!
Secondly, it's quite intriguing to piece together a scrapbook of someone else's life. I showed up in Steff's family about six years ago and have my own perspective on her life from that time. Until 2002, however, it's mostly unknown to me. How are you supposed to pick out the most important memories for someone else? But it's been fun to delve into her life, to see pictures of her growing from a baby into a young woman. So, I just picked my favorite pictures and went crazy on the page design.
Third and finally, I've realized that this project really is a labor of love. There was a moment a few weeks ago when the thought suddenly occurred to me that I would not be the owner of the pages I had so painstakingly created. As an artist, it was a sad moment to know that I was giving away a piece of myself, never to return. But as a sister I was able to embrace the sacrifice because my love for Steff is so much greater than my selfishness. And I knew that of all people Steff would understand the nature of my gift.
She graduates in 8 days. The 2 volume album contains over 120 total pages. There are only 3 pages yet unfinished. I've spend almost every weekend for the last 4 months pouring over this book. But most importantly, I've gained more than I've given - in relationships, self-sacrifice, and introspection. Now it's time to begin the work on my own scrapbooking projects!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Back From Hiatus
A lot has happened in the last 10 days. I can't believe it's been that long! But I have much to tell of the twists and turns in our graduate school life.
Biggest news: Ryan and I found out that we are going to have a baby!
It's truly amazing how God's plans work out in the end. My plan was to get pregnant, apply for the Residence Director job, and then quit my full-time job in anticipation of motherhood. God's plan was for me to learn how to trust Him and follow Him in faith without knowing the outcome. I was definitely not pregnant when we applied for the job - but we applied anyway (late, and with no help from me - Ryan did it all). Then we were offered the job and I still didn't know what was going on with my future possible motherhood. We decided to accept the job before we knew if a child was in womb. Here's the amazing part - we found out the day we signed the contract that our first child is on the way. Faith first, then answers.
It was so much fun telling our families the big news. Ryan and I have been questioned about possible pregnancies since our wedding day. My sisters have been suspicious every time our family gathers for dinner.
"Any announcements?" they would query over the dining room table.
"Nope. But don't worry, you'll be the first to know," I always replied.
Imagine their surprise and joy when my answer finally changed! Baby Sister just jumped and screamed and jumped some more. Middle Sister was still away at college and we had to tell her over the phone. She was thrilled - so very excited, in fact, that I was kind of shocked by her reaction. A few days later she called me to chat and explained that her mindset had recently changed about Ryan and I becoming parents. At first she was unconvinced that we were ready for parenthood. Within the last two weeks, however, she had a change of heart and started yearning to become an auntie. What joy to make her wish come true!
Ryan's parents were even more fun to tell our good news. It was his mother's birthday and he gave her gift of becoming a grandmother. Both of Ryan's parents jumped around and yelled and hugged us when they found out. I really didn't expect to be overwhelmed with such unfettered joy. I guess we are in a really special position. This baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, and the first great-grandchild on three out of the four sides. I can't even imagine how spoiled he or she will be...
Telling our close friends was also a wonderful experience. So many people having been praying for us to have a baby. It's not like we were in a horrible situation of infertility, but it's been a long wait since our wedding day. Many of our friends espouse the Franciscan view of begetting children on the honeymoon. Let's just say that waiting nearly two years is an unusually long time for our set of friends. If Ryan didn't immediately go to graduate school we might have had a honeymoon baby too. We just have to deal with the challenges of life as they come at us. Graduate school is definitely one such challenge!
The only unfortunate event that occurred in the last week was that Middle Sister leaked our good news onto Facebook before we had a chance to tell some people personally. A couple of my close friends saw Facebook before I could call them and it ruined the surprise element. But how can I be angry at the joy of my sister? I still called my friends - better late than never! I guess that is just a consequence of modern technology. News by Facebook travels faster than news by phone.
According to my NFP charts, our little baby should arrive around December 21st. Yes, I know, he or she will be a Christmas Baby. Seriously, that is the first thing people say when they find out my due date. I am six weeks along at this point, which means the baby is technically 4 weeks old - one month already!
Another question everyone asks is how am I feeling. I've been lucky thus far - I feel practically normal. The only difference is being much more tired and little more hungry. The hungry thing is weird because sometimes a certain food will smell terrible to me, but then it tastes just fine. The challenges arises in getting over the unappetizing smell and actually eating the food. I am probably hungry because I refuse to eat what is available!
There will be much to talk of in the coming months. I don't think I will have such a long break between posts again. And now I am so excited to keep writing. This is officially a mommy blog!
Biggest news: Ryan and I found out that we are going to have a baby!
It's truly amazing how God's plans work out in the end. My plan was to get pregnant, apply for the Residence Director job, and then quit my full-time job in anticipation of motherhood. God's plan was for me to learn how to trust Him and follow Him in faith without knowing the outcome. I was definitely not pregnant when we applied for the job - but we applied anyway (late, and with no help from me - Ryan did it all). Then we were offered the job and I still didn't know what was going on with my future possible motherhood. We decided to accept the job before we knew if a child was in womb. Here's the amazing part - we found out the day we signed the contract that our first child is on the way. Faith first, then answers.
It was so much fun telling our families the big news. Ryan and I have been questioned about possible pregnancies since our wedding day. My sisters have been suspicious every time our family gathers for dinner.
"Any announcements?" they would query over the dining room table.
"Nope. But don't worry, you'll be the first to know," I always replied.
Imagine their surprise and joy when my answer finally changed! Baby Sister just jumped and screamed and jumped some more. Middle Sister was still away at college and we had to tell her over the phone. She was thrilled - so very excited, in fact, that I was kind of shocked by her reaction. A few days later she called me to chat and explained that her mindset had recently changed about Ryan and I becoming parents. At first she was unconvinced that we were ready for parenthood. Within the last two weeks, however, she had a change of heart and started yearning to become an auntie. What joy to make her wish come true!
Ryan's parents were even more fun to tell our good news. It was his mother's birthday and he gave her gift of becoming a grandmother. Both of Ryan's parents jumped around and yelled and hugged us when they found out. I really didn't expect to be overwhelmed with such unfettered joy. I guess we are in a really special position. This baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, and the first great-grandchild on three out of the four sides. I can't even imagine how spoiled he or she will be...
Telling our close friends was also a wonderful experience. So many people having been praying for us to have a baby. It's not like we were in a horrible situation of infertility, but it's been a long wait since our wedding day. Many of our friends espouse the Franciscan view of begetting children on the honeymoon. Let's just say that waiting nearly two years is an unusually long time for our set of friends. If Ryan didn't immediately go to graduate school we might have had a honeymoon baby too. We just have to deal with the challenges of life as they come at us. Graduate school is definitely one such challenge!
The only unfortunate event that occurred in the last week was that Middle Sister leaked our good news onto Facebook before we had a chance to tell some people personally. A couple of my close friends saw Facebook before I could call them and it ruined the surprise element. But how can I be angry at the joy of my sister? I still called my friends - better late than never! I guess that is just a consequence of modern technology. News by Facebook travels faster than news by phone.
According to my NFP charts, our little baby should arrive around December 21st. Yes, I know, he or she will be a Christmas Baby. Seriously, that is the first thing people say when they find out my due date. I am six weeks along at this point, which means the baby is technically 4 weeks old - one month already!
Another question everyone asks is how am I feeling. I've been lucky thus far - I feel practically normal. The only difference is being much more tired and little more hungry. The hungry thing is weird because sometimes a certain food will smell terrible to me, but then it tastes just fine. The challenges arises in getting over the unappetizing smell and actually eating the food. I am probably hungry because I refuse to eat what is available!
There will be much to talk of in the coming months. I don't think I will have such a long break between posts again. And now I am so excited to keep writing. This is officially a mommy blog!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
More Than Just a Shopping Spree
Three days ago I spent my lunch break walking and talking with Baby Sister about her relationship troubles. She called me two days ago to let me know that she and her boyfriend of three years just broke up. It was mutual and she was prepared for it to happen, so, other than general sadness, there weren't/aren't any overwhelmingly upsetting emotions for her. Then she called me yesterday to ask me to take the afternoon off from work today so we could spend some time together. She didn't want to sit in her dorm room all day doing homework again. We decided - let's go shopping! What better way to perk up a sad (and now rainy) day?
I've been thinking recently about how much my relationship with Baby Sister has changed over the years. We are five years apart, and the gap in our ages seems to be finally closing. When we were little I took my responsibility as the eldest child very seriously. Middle Sister and Baby Sister were to look up to me, want to be like me, and to learn from me. I was paving the way for their childhood and growth into teenage years, so I should be duly respected. Of course my sisters did not agree with this philosophy. And it caused a lot of stress on our relationships for many years.
When I finally went off to college, after a tumultuous summer fighting with my parents, Baby Sister was only in 8th grade. In high school I didn't have a lot of interest in anyone but myself, so I left not really knowing her that well. Freshman year of college I was still wrapped up in myself and my own problems. Coming home on breaks and over the summer I just expected my family to be the same as when I left them. I remember being surprised that certain daily habits (such as where the bathroom towels were hung) had changed in my absence.
Sophomore year of college I transferred to Franciscan University and started gradually changing myself. I still didn't understand how to relate to my sisters when I returned home, however. In fact, that year could have done the most damage to our relationships. I was so full of vigor for my reinvigorated faith and new understanding of Catholicism that I couldn't help but overflow my enthusiasm onto my family. The problem was that I still wasn't very good at listening or speaking the proper words. I found myself constantly arguing with my sisters, their defenses up and ready for me, and me unable to explain what I really meant to say. Junior year wasn't much better.
But finally in my senior year I was engaged and preparing for marriage. My mother desperately hoped that wedding plans would bring we three sister together at last. One of my favorite memories from that time was spending a "Sister Day" together, four days before the wedding. We all painted a large ceramic bowl and had it fired in kiln with glaze. It was my wedding present from my sisters. And it was really fun to work together artistically, with each sister's personality enameled on the bowl. I think at that point we all started to realize that our family would never be the same again. It was expanding to include Ryan, and we would only live an hour away. But it wasn't ever going to be just the three sisters again.
In these two years of marriage, God has blessed me by softening my tongue, and therefore, building better relationships with my sisters. I've also had time to reflect on all of our sisterly spats, to think about the cause of them. I always knew that Middle Sister and I were direct opposites, but I couldn't quite figure out what created the tension between Baby Sister and me. This year, with Baby Sister at Notre Dame, I've come to realize that we are very much alike. In fact, sometimes it's downright uncanny how similar we are. I see now that the tension came from one particular similarity - our untactful bluntness. We are honest, but not always kind. And we are both very convicted by our beliefs - to the point where we disregard other opinions because we obviously already know the truth and no one's else's point of view will change our minds.
I've also learned these past few years how being right isn't always good for relationships. Knowing the truth, but expressing it without compassion won't change anyone's mind and will only breed resentment. But listening is very important. And waiting for others to ask for advice before doling it out is also non-negotiable.
So, three days ago, Baby Sister asked for advice and I really listened to her. Even though we are going shopping today (and I seriously need new clothes), I think our afternoon is really about spending sister time together. My mother will be pleased - her daughters are finally discovering the joys of their sisterhood!
I've been thinking recently about how much my relationship with Baby Sister has changed over the years. We are five years apart, and the gap in our ages seems to be finally closing. When we were little I took my responsibility as the eldest child very seriously. Middle Sister and Baby Sister were to look up to me, want to be like me, and to learn from me. I was paving the way for their childhood and growth into teenage years, so I should be duly respected. Of course my sisters did not agree with this philosophy. And it caused a lot of stress on our relationships for many years.
When I finally went off to college, after a tumultuous summer fighting with my parents, Baby Sister was only in 8th grade. In high school I didn't have a lot of interest in anyone but myself, so I left not really knowing her that well. Freshman year of college I was still wrapped up in myself and my own problems. Coming home on breaks and over the summer I just expected my family to be the same as when I left them. I remember being surprised that certain daily habits (such as where the bathroom towels were hung) had changed in my absence.
Sophomore year of college I transferred to Franciscan University and started gradually changing myself. I still didn't understand how to relate to my sisters when I returned home, however. In fact, that year could have done the most damage to our relationships. I was so full of vigor for my reinvigorated faith and new understanding of Catholicism that I couldn't help but overflow my enthusiasm onto my family. The problem was that I still wasn't very good at listening or speaking the proper words. I found myself constantly arguing with my sisters, their defenses up and ready for me, and me unable to explain what I really meant to say. Junior year wasn't much better.
But finally in my senior year I was engaged and preparing for marriage. My mother desperately hoped that wedding plans would bring we three sister together at last. One of my favorite memories from that time was spending a "Sister Day" together, four days before the wedding. We all painted a large ceramic bowl and had it fired in kiln with glaze. It was my wedding present from my sisters. And it was really fun to work together artistically, with each sister's personality enameled on the bowl. I think at that point we all started to realize that our family would never be the same again. It was expanding to include Ryan, and we would only live an hour away. But it wasn't ever going to be just the three sisters again.
In these two years of marriage, God has blessed me by softening my tongue, and therefore, building better relationships with my sisters. I've also had time to reflect on all of our sisterly spats, to think about the cause of them. I always knew that Middle Sister and I were direct opposites, but I couldn't quite figure out what created the tension between Baby Sister and me. This year, with Baby Sister at Notre Dame, I've come to realize that we are very much alike. In fact, sometimes it's downright uncanny how similar we are. I see now that the tension came from one particular similarity - our untactful bluntness. We are honest, but not always kind. And we are both very convicted by our beliefs - to the point where we disregard other opinions because we obviously already know the truth and no one's else's point of view will change our minds.
I've also learned these past few years how being right isn't always good for relationships. Knowing the truth, but expressing it without compassion won't change anyone's mind and will only breed resentment. But listening is very important. And waiting for others to ask for advice before doling it out is also non-negotiable.
So, three days ago, Baby Sister asked for advice and I really listened to her. Even though we are going shopping today (and I seriously need new clothes), I think our afternoon is really about spending sister time together. My mother will be pleased - her daughters are finally discovering the joys of their sisterhood!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Trying to Make a Baby
In the last 2 years, it seems like a lot of our college friends have kissed on their wedding altars and been granted a honeymoon baby. My calendar keeps filling up with due dates preceding first wedding anniversaries. I have not yet met any of these little blessings in person, but I have spent countless hours watching them grow up in Facebook photo albums. It's a little mind blowing to think about the adventures we all had in college, and then to realize my friends are honest-to-goodness-for-the-rest-of-their-lives parents.
In the last 2 years it has also been difficult to watch my friends progress into legitimate and undeniable adulthood as parents while I wait at the sidelines.
Our first year of marriage Ryan and I decided it was best to have a go at postponing parenthood through NFP (Natural Family Planning - great Catholic stuff!). We just smiled when our friends and family pestered us about having a "bun in the oven." "Not yet, but soon!" we would offer in reply. I was definitely excited about having children, but worried about money and spending 5 years in graduate school, and a little relieved that we didn't really have to think about making life altering changes just yet. And NFP wasn't so bad after all - it just took a little planning, patience, and persistence.
Our second year of marriage NFP stopped being "fun." We could figure out the method just fine, but my body was starting to confuse itself. I had to turn off my sex drive when the hormones were on - and turn it back on when the hormones could care less and just wanted to go to bed early. It was beginning to wear on me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I realized there is a very good reason the Church requires grave matter to postpone children - it's requires a lot of sacrifice to practice NFP, and there will come a point when the end doesn't outweigh the means anymore.
So, we decided to take the plunge and would start actively trying to conceive in October. It was supposed to be a great month - a lot of Ryan's graduate problems had worked themselves out at that point, and our grave matter wasn't so grave any more. Then the last week of September my sister-in-law's fiance, Joel (our families are very close, and he's practically a brother), had a very bad accident where he burned over 65% of his body and was put into a medicated coma for 6 weeks. Life changed in an instant. Our families pulled together and did what we could to get through a very trying time. Joel is getting better now, but his path to recovery is far from over. In fact, he has another surgery at the Mayo Clinic on Friday - please keep him in your prayers.
Needless to say, October wasn't a good time to start a family anymore. Over the last six months Ryan and I have found one obstacle after another in our way. My stress levels have been through the roof, and my normally stable fertility cycles don't make sense on the chart anymore. To top it off, we found out in the last six months that still more of our dear friends are expecting babies this summer. I am so joyful and so pained at the same time. I keep seeing my friends moving forward and I feel stuck somewhere in between.
Today just kind of culminates my feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Each month I have big plans about getting pregnant - and each month my plans go awry. And here I stand again, a new month, another failed plan, and a little less hope to carry me through it. I don't really know where to go from here.
As you can tell, I am feeling a bit depressed today - but I realize that I have so many other blessings too. God has blessed me with a very good friend (you know who you are!) to be a comforting shoulder as we both struggle in our wait for children. And this month's cycle isn't over yet either. I am so silly - I have an early (and possibly unfounded) disappointment! It's really hard to have hope today, to trust that God's plan is bigger than I can imagine. Please pray for me. I really need it.
In the last 2 years it has also been difficult to watch my friends progress into legitimate and undeniable adulthood as parents while I wait at the sidelines.
Our first year of marriage Ryan and I decided it was best to have a go at postponing parenthood through NFP (Natural Family Planning - great Catholic stuff!). We just smiled when our friends and family pestered us about having a "bun in the oven." "Not yet, but soon!" we would offer in reply. I was definitely excited about having children, but worried about money and spending 5 years in graduate school, and a little relieved that we didn't really have to think about making life altering changes just yet. And NFP wasn't so bad after all - it just took a little planning, patience, and persistence.
Our second year of marriage NFP stopped being "fun." We could figure out the method just fine, but my body was starting to confuse itself. I had to turn off my sex drive when the hormones were on - and turn it back on when the hormones could care less and just wanted to go to bed early. It was beginning to wear on me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I realized there is a very good reason the Church requires grave matter to postpone children - it's requires a lot of sacrifice to practice NFP, and there will come a point when the end doesn't outweigh the means anymore.
So, we decided to take the plunge and would start actively trying to conceive in October. It was supposed to be a great month - a lot of Ryan's graduate problems had worked themselves out at that point, and our grave matter wasn't so grave any more. Then the last week of September my sister-in-law's fiance, Joel (our families are very close, and he's practically a brother), had a very bad accident where he burned over 65% of his body and was put into a medicated coma for 6 weeks. Life changed in an instant. Our families pulled together and did what we could to get through a very trying time. Joel is getting better now, but his path to recovery is far from over. In fact, he has another surgery at the Mayo Clinic on Friday - please keep him in your prayers.
Needless to say, October wasn't a good time to start a family anymore. Over the last six months Ryan and I have found one obstacle after another in our way. My stress levels have been through the roof, and my normally stable fertility cycles don't make sense on the chart anymore. To top it off, we found out in the last six months that still more of our dear friends are expecting babies this summer. I am so joyful and so pained at the same time. I keep seeing my friends moving forward and I feel stuck somewhere in between.
Today just kind of culminates my feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Each month I have big plans about getting pregnant - and each month my plans go awry. And here I stand again, a new month, another failed plan, and a little less hope to carry me through it. I don't really know where to go from here.
As you can tell, I am feeling a bit depressed today - but I realize that I have so many other blessings too. God has blessed me with a very good friend (you know who you are!) to be a comforting shoulder as we both struggle in our wait for children. And this month's cycle isn't over yet either. I am so silly - I have an early (and possibly unfounded) disappointment! It's really hard to have hope today, to trust that God's plan is bigger than I can imagine. Please pray for me. I really need it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Heavenly Ham...
...is the name of the breakfast meat we enjoyed for Sunday's Easter brunch with Ryan's family. And man, oh man, was it good!
Ryan and I have been celebrating Easter since the Vigil on Saturday night. It's really been one of my best feast day culminations. We prayed hard on Good Friday and are currently enjoying the post-sacrifice festivities.
Saturday night was the Notre Dame Basilica Easter Vigil mass. Ryan and I learned from our mistakes on Good Friday and made sure to show up before the church doors opened on Saturday. We were waiting outside at 10 til 7:00pm, and the Vigil didn't even start until 9:00pm! It all worked out and we found seats with our friends again (and not quite as close to the back door). The pews were still cramped beyond comfort, but can you really complain that too many people want to go to the Easter Vigil? It was a beautiful mass, all sung by the ND Liturgical Choir, and accompanied by organ, horns, and cymbals. The choir's high point was their rendition of "This Is The Feast of Victory For Our God" at the end of mass - so good! After mass our entire exuberant group went out for Easter midnight breakfast/lunch/dinner at an all night diner. We must have seemed so odd to the other patrons - dressed in church clothes, giddy from hunger and excitement, and talking a hundred miles a minute.
Sunday morning, because we are gluttons for sleep deprivation, Ryan and I attended an Easter morning mass with his family. His mother prepared a lovely brunch of glazed ham and chocolate cake - a perfect Easter combination! We spent the late afternoon and evening with my family, consuming our second wonderful meal of the day: flank steak and plenty of wine. It was a full day of family quality time and, as usual, Ryan and I stayed to hang out far past our bedtime. It's nice having both families so close to home. We are able to split (sometimes share) holidays for a minimal amount of driving.
So, I have been thinking about the differences in my experiences at the ND Easter Vigil on Saturday and the FUS Easter Vigil 3 years ago. They give very different impressions from one another, and I think music style has a lot to do with it. ND sang/chanted the entire mass, with the choir leading the way from their ceiling loft. At times I felt like I had stepped back a hundred years ago, the feeling of tradition was so strong. I also felt as though their Easter mass was so solemn that it was missing a little of the unfettered joy I had previously experienced at the FUS Easter Vigil.
The Franciscans go all out for the Easter Vigil. The first half of mass occurs in total darkness, even while the readings and psalms occur (ND lit the Easter candles before the readings). The altar is bare until halfway through mass when a huge flower procession marches through to dress the altar. The baptisms are full immersion, accompanied by passionate and joyful praise & worship style music (think guitars, drums, flutes, violins, vocals - the works). All of the music caters to the charismatic feel typified by the University. The whole time you just want dance for joy before the Lord, like David danced before the Ark of the Covenant. It's incredible, even if you don't usually get into Catholic charismatic style of prayer.
What I realized is that I really enjoyed the different styles at ND and FUS for different reasons. I liked the ND Good Friday mass because of the solemnity and traditional choir. It allowed me to meditate deeply on our Lord's Passion and death. On the other hand, I enjoyed the FUS Easter Vigil so much because of the unrestrained joy which filled the entire congregation. You can't help but be moved to tears by the Sacraments of Initiation granted to those entering into the Church. Their joy became my joy.
It's wonderful to belong to a Church which includes such varied styles of worship. I am so thankful to have the different Easter Vigil experiences. Broadening my prayer styles stretches my soul and helps me to be vulnerable before my God. I can't wait to find out what happens next Easter Vigil!
Ryan and I have been celebrating Easter since the Vigil on Saturday night. It's really been one of my best feast day culminations. We prayed hard on Good Friday and are currently enjoying the post-sacrifice festivities.
Saturday night was the Notre Dame Basilica Easter Vigil mass. Ryan and I learned from our mistakes on Good Friday and made sure to show up before the church doors opened on Saturday. We were waiting outside at 10 til 7:00pm, and the Vigil didn't even start until 9:00pm! It all worked out and we found seats with our friends again (and not quite as close to the back door). The pews were still cramped beyond comfort, but can you really complain that too many people want to go to the Easter Vigil? It was a beautiful mass, all sung by the ND Liturgical Choir, and accompanied by organ, horns, and cymbals. The choir's high point was their rendition of "This Is The Feast of Victory For Our God" at the end of mass - so good! After mass our entire exuberant group went out for Easter midnight breakfast/lunch/dinner at an all night diner. We must have seemed so odd to the other patrons - dressed in church clothes, giddy from hunger and excitement, and talking a hundred miles a minute.
Sunday morning, because we are gluttons for sleep deprivation, Ryan and I attended an Easter morning mass with his family. His mother prepared a lovely brunch of glazed ham and chocolate cake - a perfect Easter combination! We spent the late afternoon and evening with my family, consuming our second wonderful meal of the day: flank steak and plenty of wine. It was a full day of family quality time and, as usual, Ryan and I stayed to hang out far past our bedtime. It's nice having both families so close to home. We are able to split (sometimes share) holidays for a minimal amount of driving.
So, I have been thinking about the differences in my experiences at the ND Easter Vigil on Saturday and the FUS Easter Vigil 3 years ago. They give very different impressions from one another, and I think music style has a lot to do with it. ND sang/chanted the entire mass, with the choir leading the way from their ceiling loft. At times I felt like I had stepped back a hundred years ago, the feeling of tradition was so strong. I also felt as though their Easter mass was so solemn that it was missing a little of the unfettered joy I had previously experienced at the FUS Easter Vigil.
The Franciscans go all out for the Easter Vigil. The first half of mass occurs in total darkness, even while the readings and psalms occur (ND lit the Easter candles before the readings). The altar is bare until halfway through mass when a huge flower procession marches through to dress the altar. The baptisms are full immersion, accompanied by passionate and joyful praise & worship style music (think guitars, drums, flutes, violins, vocals - the works). All of the music caters to the charismatic feel typified by the University. The whole time you just want dance for joy before the Lord, like David danced before the Ark of the Covenant. It's incredible, even if you don't usually get into Catholic charismatic style of prayer.
What I realized is that I really enjoyed the different styles at ND and FUS for different reasons. I liked the ND Good Friday mass because of the solemnity and traditional choir. It allowed me to meditate deeply on our Lord's Passion and death. On the other hand, I enjoyed the FUS Easter Vigil so much because of the unrestrained joy which filled the entire congregation. You can't help but be moved to tears by the Sacraments of Initiation granted to those entering into the Church. Their joy became my joy.
It's wonderful to belong to a Church which includes such varied styles of worship. I am so thankful to have the different Easter Vigil experiences. Broadening my prayer styles stretches my soul and helps me to be vulnerable before my God. I can't wait to find out what happens next Easter Vigil!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Triduum Experiences
This week has been the best Holy Week I've ever had.
In some ways my statement is easy to support. For example: I had never even heard the word "Triduum" (much less knew how to pronounce it correctly) until I stepped foot on my alma mater, Franciscan University of Steubenville, nearly 5 years ago. While at FUS I was challenged to enter into all of Holy Week, not just Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I learned that there is a special Chrism mass on Monday of Holy Week to bless all of the holy oils. I also experienced my very first Easter Vigil mass at FUS in 2005 - one of the most moving and joyful masses I've been to. I could hear the angels singing and praising God with us during the baptisms.
The reason I claim that this week has been my best Holy Week, and not the one 3 years ago, is because I've finally succeeded in the challenge issued to me at FUS. I've fully entered into the prayer and anticipation of Holy Week. It started with cleaning my house and clearing my mind last weekend. Then I decided to go to mass after work each day this week (which feels like a big sacrifice of my time, considering that I work until 5pm each day). Due to the good advice of two friends, I also cut out watching any TV or movies until Easter. Finally, I set aside all of my work and cares of the week to simply pray with the church from Holy Thursday evening through Good Friday evening. As Ryan put it, "It's hard work praying all day long!"
Holy Thursday
Ryan and I celebrated mass with our parish on Holy Thursday. I've had a really difficult time feeling like a member of our parish in the two years we've been at St. Pius X. I grew up in a town where there is only one Catholic church, so you pretty much know everyone in town who is Catholic. The really nice aspect of my hometown is how the church feels like an extended family. I've spend the ages of 2 to 22 with the same Catholic families - I knew my parents' friends and grew up with their kids my own age. I consider some of the families like second parents - they know me as well as my own mother and father know me. All the kids started out in grade school together, and now we are all getting married and branching out. But when I go home, it's always so familiar and comfortable to me. I still know everyone at the church, and the families I grew up with remain close friends.
St. Pius X is one of the largest churches in the area. Notice how I said "one of." That's right - there are many Catholic churches in my area. It's hard to get to know people at my new church. I didn't grow up there, I don't belong to any of the ministries yet, and I am not sure where to get started. It's difficult for me to put myself out there and explain to my new church why I am someone they would like for a certain ministry. I grew up being grandfathered into ministries - the adults knew my potential as a kid and invited me into ministries as I turned the appropriate ages. It's almost as though I have to market myself at St. Pius to get into the community. Somehow, that feels so odd.
My disconnected feelings are what led me to go on the Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat a month ago. Ryan also went on the men's retreat last week. My basic goal was to meet women at the parish and start making connections within the community. I can't wait around to have kids make the connections for me!
So, back to Holy Thursday. The church was busting at the seams crowded. At St. Pius most families pick a Sunday mass time (7:00, 8:45, 10:30, 12:15, or 5:30pm) and stick with it each Sunday. Ryan and I tend to be 12:15ers - it's late enough to sleep in without actually cutting into our evening. Plus, we are always late to the 10:30am. The thing with Holy Thursday, however, is that all the families from different mass times come together into one mass. They have to! In looking around the church Thursday evening I began to notice women from my CRHP retreat. Sweet! I knew people at this mass!
After mass, Ryan and I stayed for Confession and Night Prayer. During the Triduum St. Pius keeps the church open 24 hours for their "Pascal Watch." It's a wonderful time of extra prayer just before Easter. The priests really encourage the parish to embrace the solemnity of the Triduum. Ryan and I embraced it all right - we didn't leave until after 11pm! It was so peaceful. I love being in a dark church at night, lit only by candles.
Good Friday
Although I really want to have a baby, there are some perks to being married without children. One perk is that Ryan and I are able to spend as much time in prayer and at church as we want. We have a certain amount of freedom this year that won't be possible with small children. I guess you could say that we are taking the opportunity for excessive prayer while it still exists!
This year we decided to go to the Notre Dame Basilica Good Friday service. I had heard that the liturgical choir is beyond fantastic, so it was one of my goals to hear them during our time in grad school. The service began at 3:00pm, so we decided to arrive at 2:00pm to snag good seats. Boy were we surprised to find the church totally full an hour before the service began. Luckily, some friends of ours saved us spot in the back of the church, right in front of one of the doors. I found it particularly fitting that we should experience an icy blast (that's right, our snow storm arrived right on time with the first day of spring) each time the door opened. It gave me a sacrificial mindset, to say the least.
Despite the small inconveniences, the Good Friday service at ND was incredible. The liturgical choir lived up to all praise bestowed upon it. They sang everything a cappella in four part harmonies - including the Gospel reading. I brings a new meaning to the Gospel when you hear the choir's chant "Crucify him!" resounding from the huge basilica ceiling. They also sang the heavenly Reproaches during our Veneration of the Cross. Again, how can you remain unmoved by the weight of your sin when expressed so vibrantly from above?
The rest of the evening Ryan and I spent with another ND couple, Steve and Meta, back at St. Pius for the Stations of the Cross and Taize prayer. I love Taize because it incorporates my two favorite types of prayer - singing and meditation. The basic premise is to repeatedly sing or chant a short verse while you meditate. I find that the repetition allows me to meditate because I eventually stop thinking about the mechanics of singing and just calm myself before the Lord. It removes distraction from my mind (because part of my mind is focused on singing) and allows my soul the freedom to experience God's presence.
Friday night at Pius was far less crowded than Thursday night. Even so, I again noticed some of the women from my CRHP retreat. I am finally beginning to feel a connection to my new parish. I almost like it better when there is less of a crowd in the church. I guess the task of getting to know people seems smaller or something. It gave me such a peace of mind knowing that Ryan and I are finally setting down some roots, that we aren't just floating through the parish by ourselves anymore.
Holy Saturday
At this point in the Triduum I am very much at peace. I understand in a new way the importance of Holy Saturday. It's a waiting day - God is asking us to trust in him, to be patient, and to hope that Easter Sunday will arrive. It's kind of exciting, in a way. Not in the same way that Christmas Eve is exciting, but in a quieter sort of way. I can't spend my entire day in prayer like yesterday (laundry needs to be washed again, errands to run - life goes on!), but I can go about my day with a peaceful and expectant soul. Soon we will be at the ND Easter Vigil, celebrating with our brand new members of the Catholic church. I may not know those who are going to be baptized tonight, but I've had several dear friends come into the Church on previous Easter Vigils. I know the joy and excitement my friends experienced, and so I gladly share in the celebrations for others.
It's been such a good Holy Week. Approaching the end of this week, I am definitely ready for Easter. Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of Endless Glory!
In some ways my statement is easy to support. For example: I had never even heard the word "Triduum" (much less knew how to pronounce it correctly) until I stepped foot on my alma mater, Franciscan University of Steubenville, nearly 5 years ago. While at FUS I was challenged to enter into all of Holy Week, not just Holy Thursday and Good Friday. I learned that there is a special Chrism mass on Monday of Holy Week to bless all of the holy oils. I also experienced my very first Easter Vigil mass at FUS in 2005 - one of the most moving and joyful masses I've been to. I could hear the angels singing and praising God with us during the baptisms.
The reason I claim that this week has been my best Holy Week, and not the one 3 years ago, is because I've finally succeeded in the challenge issued to me at FUS. I've fully entered into the prayer and anticipation of Holy Week. It started with cleaning my house and clearing my mind last weekend. Then I decided to go to mass after work each day this week (which feels like a big sacrifice of my time, considering that I work until 5pm each day). Due to the good advice of two friends, I also cut out watching any TV or movies until Easter. Finally, I set aside all of my work and cares of the week to simply pray with the church from Holy Thursday evening through Good Friday evening. As Ryan put it, "It's hard work praying all day long!"
Holy Thursday
Ryan and I celebrated mass with our parish on Holy Thursday. I've had a really difficult time feeling like a member of our parish in the two years we've been at St. Pius X. I grew up in a town where there is only one Catholic church, so you pretty much know everyone in town who is Catholic. The really nice aspect of my hometown is how the church feels like an extended family. I've spend the ages of 2 to 22 with the same Catholic families - I knew my parents' friends and grew up with their kids my own age. I consider some of the families like second parents - they know me as well as my own mother and father know me. All the kids started out in grade school together, and now we are all getting married and branching out. But when I go home, it's always so familiar and comfortable to me. I still know everyone at the church, and the families I grew up with remain close friends.
St. Pius X is one of the largest churches in the area. Notice how I said "one of." That's right - there are many Catholic churches in my area. It's hard to get to know people at my new church. I didn't grow up there, I don't belong to any of the ministries yet, and I am not sure where to get started. It's difficult for me to put myself out there and explain to my new church why I am someone they would like for a certain ministry. I grew up being grandfathered into ministries - the adults knew my potential as a kid and invited me into ministries as I turned the appropriate ages. It's almost as though I have to market myself at St. Pius to get into the community. Somehow, that feels so odd.
My disconnected feelings are what led me to go on the Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat a month ago. Ryan also went on the men's retreat last week. My basic goal was to meet women at the parish and start making connections within the community. I can't wait around to have kids make the connections for me!
So, back to Holy Thursday. The church was busting at the seams crowded. At St. Pius most families pick a Sunday mass time (7:00, 8:45, 10:30, 12:15, or 5:30pm) and stick with it each Sunday. Ryan and I tend to be 12:15ers - it's late enough to sleep in without actually cutting into our evening. Plus, we are always late to the 10:30am. The thing with Holy Thursday, however, is that all the families from different mass times come together into one mass. They have to! In looking around the church Thursday evening I began to notice women from my CRHP retreat. Sweet! I knew people at this mass!
After mass, Ryan and I stayed for Confession and Night Prayer. During the Triduum St. Pius keeps the church open 24 hours for their "Pascal Watch." It's a wonderful time of extra prayer just before Easter. The priests really encourage the parish to embrace the solemnity of the Triduum. Ryan and I embraced it all right - we didn't leave until after 11pm! It was so peaceful. I love being in a dark church at night, lit only by candles.
Good Friday
Although I really want to have a baby, there are some perks to being married without children. One perk is that Ryan and I are able to spend as much time in prayer and at church as we want. We have a certain amount of freedom this year that won't be possible with small children. I guess you could say that we are taking the opportunity for excessive prayer while it still exists!
This year we decided to go to the Notre Dame Basilica Good Friday service. I had heard that the liturgical choir is beyond fantastic, so it was one of my goals to hear them during our time in grad school. The service began at 3:00pm, so we decided to arrive at 2:00pm to snag good seats. Boy were we surprised to find the church totally full an hour before the service began. Luckily, some friends of ours saved us spot in the back of the church, right in front of one of the doors. I found it particularly fitting that we should experience an icy blast (that's right, our snow storm arrived right on time with the first day of spring) each time the door opened. It gave me a sacrificial mindset, to say the least.
Despite the small inconveniences, the Good Friday service at ND was incredible. The liturgical choir lived up to all praise bestowed upon it. They sang everything a cappella in four part harmonies - including the Gospel reading. I brings a new meaning to the Gospel when you hear the choir's chant "Crucify him!" resounding from the huge basilica ceiling. They also sang the heavenly Reproaches during our Veneration of the Cross. Again, how can you remain unmoved by the weight of your sin when expressed so vibrantly from above?
The rest of the evening Ryan and I spent with another ND couple, Steve and Meta, back at St. Pius for the Stations of the Cross and Taize prayer. I love Taize because it incorporates my two favorite types of prayer - singing and meditation. The basic premise is to repeatedly sing or chant a short verse while you meditate. I find that the repetition allows me to meditate because I eventually stop thinking about the mechanics of singing and just calm myself before the Lord. It removes distraction from my mind (because part of my mind is focused on singing) and allows my soul the freedom to experience God's presence.
Friday night at Pius was far less crowded than Thursday night. Even so, I again noticed some of the women from my CRHP retreat. I am finally beginning to feel a connection to my new parish. I almost like it better when there is less of a crowd in the church. I guess the task of getting to know people seems smaller or something. It gave me such a peace of mind knowing that Ryan and I are finally setting down some roots, that we aren't just floating through the parish by ourselves anymore.
Holy Saturday
At this point in the Triduum I am very much at peace. I understand in a new way the importance of Holy Saturday. It's a waiting day - God is asking us to trust in him, to be patient, and to hope that Easter Sunday will arrive. It's kind of exciting, in a way. Not in the same way that Christmas Eve is exciting, but in a quieter sort of way. I can't spend my entire day in prayer like yesterday (laundry needs to be washed again, errands to run - life goes on!), but I can go about my day with a peaceful and expectant soul. Soon we will be at the ND Easter Vigil, celebrating with our brand new members of the Catholic church. I may not know those who are going to be baptized tonight, but I've had several dear friends come into the Church on previous Easter Vigils. I know the joy and excitement my friends experienced, and so I gladly share in the celebrations for others.
It's been such a good Holy Week. Approaching the end of this week, I am definitely ready for Easter. Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of Endless Glory!
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