Why am I awake at 12:49am?
No, it's not because the baby is awake and demanding a diaper change or nursing session.
No, it's not because I just returned home from a wonderful, romantic date with my husband (while my son was cared for by a loving Grandmother who rocked him into a blissful 6 hour sleep).
Why then?
Because my husband is awake. And I am a perpetual night owl. And he has another all-night project to work on, due tomorrow morning. And I'm too tired to get myself out of this chair, wash my face, and actually go to sleep in my own bed.
Because I am living the life of a pseudo graduate student.
Because my little man is asleep and if I try to remove him from his carseat he will awaken and demand to be nursed back to sleep. And the only time I get to type on my computer is when he sleeps.
So. Here I am. Type, type, typing away...
Showing posts with label Graduate Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Graduate Life. Show all posts
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, November 14, 2008
How Can I Live Without the Internet?
It's really fun to not have to go into work each day. My days are so free! And I now have the flexibility to change my daily routine. For example: Yesterday and today I was able to join Ryan on a trip up to Chicago for an academic conference. He's off listening to intellectual speakers while I get to visit with my friend, Aislinn. It's a pretty sweet deal...
Last night Aislinn, her husband Rich, and I enjoyed a wonderful homemade meal - and I was able to bask in the glow of the newlywed couple. They are fantastically cute. I had forgotten the sweet newness that comes with the first month of marriage. I also spent a good portion of the evening in awe of Aislinn's tiny waist. My pregnant waist is so large right now that it's hard to imagine being slim again!
This morning I sent everyone off to work/conference and hunkered down to get a few tasks done on my computer while I was alone. That's when I realized that the internet wouldn't connect to my computer and I had just sent away my tech support with a dead cell phone! So much for my big plans...
The good news is that I have been able to get online through Aislinn's computer. Even more important: the world won't end if I don't fulfill all of my plans today. Maybe I'll just take a nap instead.
Last night Aislinn, her husband Rich, and I enjoyed a wonderful homemade meal - and I was able to bask in the glow of the newlywed couple. They are fantastically cute. I had forgotten the sweet newness that comes with the first month of marriage. I also spent a good portion of the evening in awe of Aislinn's tiny waist. My pregnant waist is so large right now that it's hard to imagine being slim again!
This morning I sent everyone off to work/conference and hunkered down to get a few tasks done on my computer while I was alone. That's when I realized that the internet wouldn't connect to my computer and I had just sent away my tech support with a dead cell phone! So much for my big plans...
The good news is that I have been able to get online through Aislinn's computer. Even more important: the world won't end if I don't fulfill all of my plans today. Maybe I'll just take a nap instead.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Lots to Catch Up On
I am surprised anyone even reads this blog anymore.... I'm sure not holding up my end of the deal to write on a regular basis! That said, let's move on.
Life has been busy. If I am not sleeping I am running around all over the place. And, believe me, I've been sleeping quite a bit these days (According to BabyCenter.com, 34 weeks pregnant is when the "fatigue" sets in again). In the last month I've celebrated Aislinn's wedding, Ryan's cousin Matt's wedding, and 2 baby showers - and I attended the Center for Ethics and Culture Conference at Notre Dame, as well as the most recent ND football game that went into quadruple overtime. Every single weekend has been booked.
Ryan's life has been heating up too. He's working hard right now to finish his master's proposal. Every night we just kind of look at each other like, "Well, here we are at the end of the day and there's still so much left to do!" The poor guy just can't catch a break. Each evening we hope he'll find time to write his proposal, but some other pressing task (class work, lab work, Hall Director work) must come first.
The good news is that I finally managed to wash the floors last week! Of course, I had the extra motivation of house guests over the weekend to get me moving.
I am also slowly but surely putting our little apartment in order before baby Michael arrives. Each of the wonderful gifts we've received is finding a place in our tiny home. I just can't believe how generous everyone has been with the baby gifts! We've been showered with clothes and blankets and even 2 strollers. There are only one or two items we need to actually purchase. I feel blessed from such overwhelming generosity. And sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.
Anyway, I hope to keep writing more frequently now that I've begun again. (How many times have you already heard that promise?) If you are still reading, check back - you should have better luck than the last month!
Life has been busy. If I am not sleeping I am running around all over the place. And, believe me, I've been sleeping quite a bit these days (According to BabyCenter.com, 34 weeks pregnant is when the "fatigue" sets in again). In the last month I've celebrated Aislinn's wedding, Ryan's cousin Matt's wedding, and 2 baby showers - and I attended the Center for Ethics and Culture Conference at Notre Dame, as well as the most recent ND football game that went into quadruple overtime. Every single weekend has been booked.
Ryan's life has been heating up too. He's working hard right now to finish his master's proposal. Every night we just kind of look at each other like, "Well, here we are at the end of the day and there's still so much left to do!" The poor guy just can't catch a break. Each evening we hope he'll find time to write his proposal, but some other pressing task (class work, lab work, Hall Director work) must come first.
The good news is that I finally managed to wash the floors last week! Of course, I had the extra motivation of house guests over the weekend to get me moving.
I am also slowly but surely putting our little apartment in order before baby Michael arrives. Each of the wonderful gifts we've received is finding a place in our tiny home. I just can't believe how generous everyone has been with the baby gifts! We've been showered with clothes and blankets and even 2 strollers. There are only one or two items we need to actually purchase. I feel blessed from such overwhelming generosity. And sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.
Anyway, I hope to keep writing more frequently now that I've begun again. (How many times have you already heard that promise?) If you are still reading, check back - you should have better luck than the last month!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
It's Been Awhile...
You might be wondering what's happened since my vacation time (over a month ago). Well, I know at least one person who was wondering - and she lives 5 minutes from me! Let's just say that it's been crazy for the last month. Life has been totally non-stop.
August was a whirlwind of my last full-time days at work, Ryan beginning his duties as Hall Director, guests visiting, friends moving to town, planning baby & bridal showers, and kicking it into high gear with our Christ Renews His Parish retreat preparations. I spent a good part of the month in a daze - and I'm still not sure where all of my time went!
Finally, there has been a shift in my daily schedule, like a breath of fresh air. As of yesterday I began working part-time (noon-5:00, wahoo!) and I feel like a whole new person. I'll be part-time for a total of 3 weeks and then I'm done with the corporate world for good. Wow. Freedom is so close I can taste it! But it's a little daunting too. How am I supposed to discipline myself with such a plethora of free time?
One the one hand, my ministries and social life are really perking up: CRHP, cantoring, scrapbooking evenings, women's book group, Colt's & ND football games, showers & weddings galore... But on the other hand I can actually do housework and errands between the hours of 8am and 5pm! I might even be able to squeeze in daily mass. I feel exhilarated and terrified at the same time.
That's why I grabbed a book from the shelf that has been on my mind for several weeks: A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. The book details how to center your daily life around your vocational priorities. Just like religious groups have a "rule" to live by, a wife/mother can create a rule for her family - a pattern for living that focuses on prayer and daily duties. Essentially, it's the ability to create a schedule that puts God first and finds a time to do all the daily tasks that otherwise seem insurmountable.
Holly outlines the wife and mother's priorities as such:
So, if all goes well, I'll be back here on a more regular basis. And I'm excited to share with you how centering my life on a God-focused schedule brings "order to [my] home and peace to [my] soul." If you get a chance, pick up a copy of A Mother's Rule of Life. It has helped me in the past, and I am certain it will continue to help me in this newest stage of my life.
August was a whirlwind of my last full-time days at work, Ryan beginning his duties as Hall Director, guests visiting, friends moving to town, planning baby & bridal showers, and kicking it into high gear with our Christ Renews His Parish retreat preparations. I spent a good part of the month in a daze - and I'm still not sure where all of my time went!
Finally, there has been a shift in my daily schedule, like a breath of fresh air. As of yesterday I began working part-time (noon-5:00, wahoo!) and I feel like a whole new person. I'll be part-time for a total of 3 weeks and then I'm done with the corporate world for good. Wow. Freedom is so close I can taste it! But it's a little daunting too. How am I supposed to discipline myself with such a plethora of free time?
One the one hand, my ministries and social life are really perking up: CRHP, cantoring, scrapbooking evenings, women's book group, Colt's & ND football games, showers & weddings galore... But on the other hand I can actually do housework and errands between the hours of 8am and 5pm! I might even be able to squeeze in daily mass. I feel exhilarated and terrified at the same time.
That's why I grabbed a book from the shelf that has been on my mind for several weeks: A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. The book details how to center your daily life around your vocational priorities. Just like religious groups have a "rule" to live by, a wife/mother can create a rule for her family - a pattern for living that focuses on prayer and daily duties. Essentially, it's the ability to create a schedule that puts God first and finds a time to do all the daily tasks that otherwise seem insurmountable.
Holly outlines the wife and mother's priorities as such:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
So, if all goes well, I'll be back here on a more regular basis. And I'm excited to share with you how centering my life on a God-focused schedule brings "order to [my] home and peace to [my] soul." If you get a chance, pick up a copy of A Mother's Rule of Life. It has helped me in the past, and I am certain it will continue to help me in this newest stage of my life.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Vacation Time
I just want to note, for the record, that I am awake and moving at 8:46am on my vacation.
Yes, I know that my concept of time will change forever when the baby arrives. And, yes, I realize that 8:46am is not really "early" by most standards. But considering that my darling husband is still on college time (a weird phenomenon where grad students have one foot in college time and one foot in "real working world" time), I am feeling quite proactive today.
Now it's time for me to head out the door and travel down to my parent's home. I am going to relax in the sun (what better way to spend vacation time?) and perhaps see little Noah again.
The only question is: how am I ever going to go back to work next week?!
Yes, I know that my concept of time will change forever when the baby arrives. And, yes, I realize that 8:46am is not really "early" by most standards. But considering that my darling husband is still on college time (a weird phenomenon where grad students have one foot in college time and one foot in "real working world" time), I am feeling quite proactive today.
Now it's time for me to head out the door and travel down to my parent's home. I am going to relax in the sun (what better way to spend vacation time?) and perhaps see little Noah again.
The only question is: how am I ever going to go back to work next week?!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Are We Crazy?
Last night Ryan informed me that we are not moving mid-July as I had anticipated, but next weekend instead.
I replied, "Sure, honey, whatever you say. I'll follow your lead wherever you go and do what you think is best because you are my husband and head of our household and you only have our best interests in mind."
Only it came out at little differently, more like, "No freaking way I'm moving in a week."
Did I mention that the intended moving weekend falls between 3 wedding weekends, one of which is his sister Lilo's wedding, and it will be the same weekend that Lilo and Joel move into their new house?
After some tense discussion (in front of his mother and sister too, as we were at their house when the discussion arose) I played the "I'm pregnant, tired, and it's past my bedtime" card to avoid any further discussion. I also tenuously agreed to move in a week, so long as Ryan provided me with certain proofs of sanity insurance: an inexpensive moving vehicle, a volunteer crew, and permission to leave our current apartment early without penalty.
Are we just plain crazy?
Ryan thinks this coming week will be the calm in the storm for his summer graduate work. He doesn't really get a "break" for the summer. And the closer we get to August the more involved he becomes with this masters work. So, moving early means one less thing to deal with in July. He's willing to push through, pack and move in a day, and be done with it.
I, on the other hand, have a great opportunity to surrender my desire for control and trust unconditionally. My head knows that we can do if we have to (because we packed and moved in 3 days last summer), but my heart was so set on having another peaceful month. We have 3 weddings and traveling to do in the next 4 weeks. I just wanted to be able to enjoy myself before I had to think about moving.
And I like our little apartment. Let's be honest. I am comfortable and I dislike change, especially when I don't know all the details. What if the new apartment (which happens to be in a dorm) is not as nice as the one we have now? Last summer we upgraded. It's far more difficult to downgrade. I am cringing at the thought of a bad change.
The silver lining today is that I've decided to follow Ryan's lead and be at peace with moving next weekend. I can shove the whole decision making aspect of the move onto his shoulders and just show up. Right now I don't know how it's all going to work out moving day. But Ryan has enough enthusiasm for both of us. I only have to agree. And God will take care of the rest.
I replied, "Sure, honey, whatever you say. I'll follow your lead wherever you go and do what you think is best because you are my husband and head of our household and you only have our best interests in mind."
Only it came out at little differently, more like, "No freaking way I'm moving in a week."
Did I mention that the intended moving weekend falls between 3 wedding weekends, one of which is his sister Lilo's wedding, and it will be the same weekend that Lilo and Joel move into their new house?
After some tense discussion (in front of his mother and sister too, as we were at their house when the discussion arose) I played the "I'm pregnant, tired, and it's past my bedtime" card to avoid any further discussion. I also tenuously agreed to move in a week, so long as Ryan provided me with certain proofs of sanity insurance: an inexpensive moving vehicle, a volunteer crew, and permission to leave our current apartment early without penalty.
Are we just plain crazy?
Ryan thinks this coming week will be the calm in the storm for his summer graduate work. He doesn't really get a "break" for the summer. And the closer we get to August the more involved he becomes with this masters work. So, moving early means one less thing to deal with in July. He's willing to push through, pack and move in a day, and be done with it.
I, on the other hand, have a great opportunity to surrender my desire for control and trust unconditionally. My head knows that we can do if we have to (because we packed and moved in 3 days last summer), but my heart was so set on having another peaceful month. We have 3 weddings and traveling to do in the next 4 weeks. I just wanted to be able to enjoy myself before I had to think about moving.
And I like our little apartment. Let's be honest. I am comfortable and I dislike change, especially when I don't know all the details. What if the new apartment (which happens to be in a dorm) is not as nice as the one we have now? Last summer we upgraded. It's far more difficult to downgrade. I am cringing at the thought of a bad change.
The silver lining today is that I've decided to follow Ryan's lead and be at peace with moving next weekend. I can shove the whole decision making aspect of the move onto his shoulders and just show up. Right now I don't know how it's all going to work out moving day. But Ryan has enough enthusiasm for both of us. I only have to agree. And God will take care of the rest.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Big Two - Our Second Anniversary
Today Ryan and I have been married for 2 years. That seems like both a long and a short time. In the overall scheme of life 2 years isn't very long. And we hope to be married for many, many years. At the same time, I can't imagine not being married. It's so natural to me - to be Ryan's wife. It feels like we've always been married, it's just so right.
It's interesting to think back on how our lives have progressed in the last two years. Here's a synopsis:
It's interesting to think back on how our lives have progressed in the last two years. Here's a synopsis:
- May 2006: Graduate from Franciscan University
- June 10, 2006: Our wedding day
- June 2006: Move into a new apartment, town, and school; Prepare for graduate school
- August 2006: Ashley starts a temp job on campus and Ryan's graduate school classes begin
- October 2006: Ashley begins a brief entry into her favorite ministry, Catechesis of the Good Shepherd
- May 2007: Ashley's temp job becomes a salaried position, Ryan's stressful 1st year of graduate school comes to a close
- June/July 2007: Move to a new apartment
- August 2007: Ryan changes departments and advisors (the best change ever!)
- September 2007: Joel's accident happens and very long recovery begins*
- February/March 2008: Ashley & Ryan attend Christ Renews His Parish retreats, and enter into a new ministry with the church
- April 2008: Find out we're having a baby!
- May 2008: Ryan's 2nd year of graduate school ends
- June 27, 2008: Lilo and Joel's wedding (postponed from December)
- June/July: Move to another new apartment
- August 2008: Begin job as Residence Directors and Ryan's 3rd year of graduate school
- December 2008: Welcome our first baby into the world
Monday, April 14, 2008
Big Decisions
It's really interesting that Jen should happen to write about turning over situations to God at the very moment that I need to hear it. I enjoy reading the comments posted by other readers - and learning their stories of how God guided them through tough situations. My faith is strengthened when I hear about God-moments in other people's lives. I definitely need a little extra boost in my faith right now too.
Here is my tough situation: Ryan and I were offered a job as Residence Directors for a college dorm.
I realize that this isn't a life or death situation. But it is causing me a lot of stress. And acne. It's the kind of situation that seems to warrant the most prayer - one that involves a job (aka: money) and moving. I don't really know what I want, so I am going to lay out my thoughts in a pro/con list.
Pros:
1. This is a ministry job - it would have a clear and distinct purpose, something I find lacking in my current job.
2. If we have baby, and I quit my current job (which I will happen), we will have a little side income to supplement Ryan's grad stipend.
3. If we don't have a baby, I would still quit my current full-time day job and work a part-time job instead.
4. I am frustrated in my current job - this could be a good change.
5. We are night people, this is an evening kind of job.
6. No rent and free meals - good for Ryan when I don't have the energy to cook.
7. The bedrooms in the dorm apartment are a bit bigger, and there are 2 bathrooms (instead of one).
8. The dorm washer and dryer are right next to our apartment (easy access).
9. The campus is really small and we would get to know everyone - there is a good possibility for community.
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.
Cons:
1. What kind of time commitment are we really getting ourselves into?
2. If I have a baby, I will have to take care of baby and a dorm full of boys.
3. Lack of privacy.
4. I hate change.
5. What if I still have to wake up the same time I do now (aka: too early) while going to bed later than I already do?
6. The free meals are dorm food - I would probably still buy groceries and cook a lot anyway.
7. The kitchen in the dorm apartment is smaller than our current kitchen - much smaller.
8. We have our own washer and dryer in our current apartment - and we would have to share them with a bunch of guys in the dorm.
9. We already have a community in our little neighborhood - at the very least, we are good friends with one neighbor!
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.
Ok. So in reading through my two lists, it seems like most of my "Cons" are just complaints. I've outlined some real issues (time and privacy), but the rest are mostly issues of convenience.
I guess it all comes down to trust and figuring out what is God's will for Ryan and me. Sometimes I can be a little dense, and it may take me a few lifeboats (ever hear the joke about the flood?) before I understand where God wants me to go. This situation seems to have a lot of those lifeboats, however. There are too many "chance" occurrences surrounding the job offer. Ryan and I just happened to contact one of his old college professors (who we had been meaning to catch up with) and he, now an administrator, just happened to think we would be good for the Residence Director job. We happened to miss the application due date, but the college let us turn it in late anyway. An opening for a part-time job just happened to come to my attention the week Ryan and I found out the college wanted us to take the Residence Director position.
I don't necessarily believe in coincidences. But I do believe that God will move and shake events or occurrences in my life to help me follow His path. Right now I just need to feel peace about our decision. In order to find my peace, I have to turn over this situation to the Lord, and try to follow as best I can.
Here is my tough situation: Ryan and I were offered a job as Residence Directors for a college dorm.
I realize that this isn't a life or death situation. But it is causing me a lot of stress. And acne. It's the kind of situation that seems to warrant the most prayer - one that involves a job (aka: money) and moving. I don't really know what I want, so I am going to lay out my thoughts in a pro/con list.
Pros:
1. This is a ministry job - it would have a clear and distinct purpose, something I find lacking in my current job.
2. If we have baby, and I quit my current job (which I will happen), we will have a little side income to supplement Ryan's grad stipend.
3. If we don't have a baby, I would still quit my current full-time day job and work a part-time job instead.
4. I am frustrated in my current job - this could be a good change.
5. We are night people, this is an evening kind of job.
6. No rent and free meals - good for Ryan when I don't have the energy to cook.
7. The bedrooms in the dorm apartment are a bit bigger, and there are 2 bathrooms (instead of one).
8. The dorm washer and dryer are right next to our apartment (easy access).
9. The campus is really small and we would get to know everyone - there is a good possibility for community.
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.
Cons:
1. What kind of time commitment are we really getting ourselves into?
2. If I have a baby, I will have to take care of baby and a dorm full of boys.
3. Lack of privacy.
4. I hate change.
5. What if I still have to wake up the same time I do now (aka: too early) while going to bed later than I already do?
6. The free meals are dorm food - I would probably still buy groceries and cook a lot anyway.
7. The kitchen in the dorm apartment is smaller than our current kitchen - much smaller.
8. We have our own washer and dryer in our current apartment - and we would have to share them with a bunch of guys in the dorm.
9. We already have a community in our little neighborhood - at the very least, we are good friends with one neighbor!
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.
Ok. So in reading through my two lists, it seems like most of my "Cons" are just complaints. I've outlined some real issues (time and privacy), but the rest are mostly issues of convenience.
I guess it all comes down to trust and figuring out what is God's will for Ryan and me. Sometimes I can be a little dense, and it may take me a few lifeboats (ever hear the joke about the flood?) before I understand where God wants me to go. This situation seems to have a lot of those lifeboats, however. There are too many "chance" occurrences surrounding the job offer. Ryan and I just happened to contact one of his old college professors (who we had been meaning to catch up with) and he, now an administrator, just happened to think we would be good for the Residence Director job. We happened to miss the application due date, but the college let us turn it in late anyway. An opening for a part-time job just happened to come to my attention the week Ryan and I found out the college wanted us to take the Residence Director position.
I don't necessarily believe in coincidences. But I do believe that God will move and shake events or occurrences in my life to help me follow His path. Right now I just need to feel peace about our decision. In order to find my peace, I have to turn over this situation to the Lord, and try to follow as best I can.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Walking Rosary
There is a wonderful tradition at Franciscan University - the walking rosary. On different nights of the week you will see groups of students praying the rosary together as they walk around campus. It doesn't matter what the weather may be - rain, snow, or just plain hot - the walking rosary still marches on.
It's a wonderful way to pray.
I don't know why, but it seems easier for me to meditate on the prayers of the rosary while walking. I think it might have to do with the chaos of every day life. Walking is calming, repetitive, and it involves my entire body. At my job, I sit in a chair for a good portion of my day. Walking for 20-30 minutes feels like freedom, a shrugging off of the work at the end of the day. I am able to walk slowly and leisurely, with no really destination in mind. I can usually find excuses not to pray the rosary if it will be sit-down event (you know, other work must be done). But when the rosary is combined with walking, I feel like I am getting twice as much out of my time, and therefore, it's a good use of my time.
Isn't it odd that when I pray a walking rosary I will move slowly and savor the moment, but when I try to sit down and pray all the unfinished tasks distract me?
Perhaps the walking rosary is a good type of prayer for me because it draws me out of my home (aka: another work environment) and away from distractions. There is a huge temptation to make every minute of my day "productive" because I work for 8 hours at my job and then I have a home to take care of in the evenings. I react to this temptation by either working like a crazy person to "catch up" until I fall into bed or (the more usual route) I just do nothing at all and ignore the work piling up around me. Obviously the best reaction lies in the middle somewhere. Taking time to remove myself from the situation and pray helps bring the middle ground into perspective.
So....
Monday night my neighbor and friend, May, and I decided to bring a little Franciscan spirit to Notre Dame. We instituted the first official ND walking rosary. It started out as a small group (just the 2 of us), but I have a feeling it will grow. We can guarantee to double in size when we enlist the hubbies to join us!
I just have a feeling that we are on the verge of something big. I can hardly describe it, but as we trod the first rosary path on Monday night I had an intimation that this was only the beginning. It really felt as though a piece of FUS was being planted in the ND soil, ready to grow and ripen into spiritual fruit. After one walking rosary I could sense a difference in myself. And I take hope in the notion that even if our walking rosary remains a group of two, "where two or three are gathered in [His] name" there is Christ in our midst.
It's a wonderful way to pray.
I don't know why, but it seems easier for me to meditate on the prayers of the rosary while walking. I think it might have to do with the chaos of every day life. Walking is calming, repetitive, and it involves my entire body. At my job, I sit in a chair for a good portion of my day. Walking for 20-30 minutes feels like freedom, a shrugging off of the work at the end of the day. I am able to walk slowly and leisurely, with no really destination in mind. I can usually find excuses not to pray the rosary if it will be sit-down event (you know, other work must be done). But when the rosary is combined with walking, I feel like I am getting twice as much out of my time, and therefore, it's a good use of my time.
Isn't it odd that when I pray a walking rosary I will move slowly and savor the moment, but when I try to sit down and pray all the unfinished tasks distract me?
Perhaps the walking rosary is a good type of prayer for me because it draws me out of my home (aka: another work environment) and away from distractions. There is a huge temptation to make every minute of my day "productive" because I work for 8 hours at my job and then I have a home to take care of in the evenings. I react to this temptation by either working like a crazy person to "catch up" until I fall into bed or (the more usual route) I just do nothing at all and ignore the work piling up around me. Obviously the best reaction lies in the middle somewhere. Taking time to remove myself from the situation and pray helps bring the middle ground into perspective.
So....
Monday night my neighbor and friend, May, and I decided to bring a little Franciscan spirit to Notre Dame. We instituted the first official ND walking rosary. It started out as a small group (just the 2 of us), but I have a feeling it will grow. We can guarantee to double in size when we enlist the hubbies to join us!
I just have a feeling that we are on the verge of something big. I can hardly describe it, but as we trod the first rosary path on Monday night I had an intimation that this was only the beginning. It really felt as though a piece of FUS was being planted in the ND soil, ready to grow and ripen into spiritual fruit. After one walking rosary I could sense a difference in myself. And I take hope in the notion that even if our walking rosary remains a group of two, "where two or three are gathered in [His] name" there is Christ in our midst.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Time to Clean House
Do you ever return home from a trip, start to unpack, and then just leave it half-put-away for days on end? Or am I the only one?
It's always when I am stuck at work that my domestic tasks start to stress me out. My mind turns to thoughts of what I could be doing when we have a slow day in the office - when I'm actually doing nothing. (At this moment my task list is fairly long: laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, sorting, organizing, unpiling, entering finances, scrubbing, decluttering, and, oh, that one picture needs to be hung on the wall too). I start to get a little fidgety and excited to get home and put a dent in my household chores.
Then it rolls around to 5:00, I am tired from doing nothing all day and very hungry. Some days I can't even go straight home - errands, appointments, and groceries, oh my! When I finally return to the apartment dinner depends on how I feel. Some days I find it interesting and energizing to cook a nice meal, other days I grab the first thing I see in the fridge. Then I finally sink into the couch to relax and watch a movie or tv show online - or two.
Suddenly it's bedtime (I have to sleep now or I'll never wake up in time for work!) and I've succeeded in putting off all those domestic chores yet again. I go to bed stressed and more than a little ticked off at my lack of discipline. I vow that the next day will be different - you know, if I'm not too tired from barely making it to bed on time.
But seriously, I really will make tomorrow different.
It's always when I am stuck at work that my domestic tasks start to stress me out. My mind turns to thoughts of what I could be doing when we have a slow day in the office - when I'm actually doing nothing. (At this moment my task list is fairly long: laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, sorting, organizing, unpiling, entering finances, scrubbing, decluttering, and, oh, that one picture needs to be hung on the wall too). I start to get a little fidgety and excited to get home and put a dent in my household chores.
Then it rolls around to 5:00, I am tired from doing nothing all day and very hungry. Some days I can't even go straight home - errands, appointments, and groceries, oh my! When I finally return to the apartment dinner depends on how I feel. Some days I find it interesting and energizing to cook a nice meal, other days I grab the first thing I see in the fridge. Then I finally sink into the couch to relax and watch a movie or tv show online - or two.
Suddenly it's bedtime (I have to sleep now or I'll never wake up in time for work!) and I've succeeded in putting off all those domestic chores yet again. I go to bed stressed and more than a little ticked off at my lack of discipline. I vow that the next day will be different - you know, if I'm not too tired from barely making it to bed on time.
But seriously, I really will make tomorrow different.
*Note: This post was written on Thursday (the day it's posted under), but I didn't actually finish and post it until Sunday...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Reflections on an Orlando Spring Break
The best part about having a husband in graduate school is living vicariously through his spring breaks. Even though I now work in the "real world" my hubby still provides those good old college perks. This year we both craved a little sunshine and decided to travel to Orlando for a long weekend.
The plan: soak up the sun and read all day long by the pool
The reality: unseasonably cold weather and confusion about the purpose of taking a vacation in the first place
The good news: coming home feeling refreshed in our daily lives and invigorated in our marriage
I'm the kind of person who likes to make a plan - and I tend to react badly when forced to deviate from it. This kind of rigidity makes it difficult for me to yield to God's plans a lot of the time. I also tend to become most obsessive with my travel plans. In my very worst moment (missing the plane to Austria and melting down into a complete sobbing mess in the airport) the thought came to me that I should try to be more flexible.
This Orlando weekend gave me ample room to practice my flexibility. I had to reconsider my vacation philosophy. What else besides sunshine could make our vacation worthwhile? How could I find satisfaction beyond my unfulfilled vacation plans? If I've just spent the last week at home, sick and attached at the hip to Ryan, how could I make our vacation time together special and romantic?
I realized that if I opened my eyes to the gifts surrounding me, the little inconveniences would diminish - I had to throw away my expectations of the perfect vacation and just enjoy the experience.
Ryan and I were blessed with a wonderful vacation. We soaked in the beauty of the resort, tasted fine wine and cuisine (I won't eat fish unless I am near the ocean!), slowed down our pace, and really looked into each other's eyes as we talked. We also spent a wonderful afternoon with my college roommate, Farrah, who we haven't seen since our wedding day. We went exploring through Downtown Disney (hey, it's the only "free" place in the park) and rediscovered our childhood in all the little shops. I even managed to snag a little sunburn, despite the uncooperative weather.
All in all, it was one of the few vacations I ended feeling relaxed and not overly tired from excessive excursions. I also discovered that Ryan and I don't really need a romantic get-away at this point in our relationship. We keep the flame going in our every-day life. The best part of the vacation was spending time with Farrah. Until Ryan and I have children (and, therefore, the need for a romantic get-away), my vacation philosophy will include quality time with friends and family. Because of the setbacks during this vacation, I learned a little bit more about ditching my well-laid plans and following the Lord's plans instead.
***
Oh, the joys of air travel
Me (noticing the light flashing and siren ringing for another baggage claim): Where is our little flashy light and siren? It's my favorite part!
Ryan: We already missed it because it goes off before the luggage carousel starts moving.
Me: I like it because it reminds me of casino jackpots. Here's your luggage. You win.
The plan: soak up the sun and read all day long by the pool
The reality: unseasonably cold weather and confusion about the purpose of taking a vacation in the first place
The good news: coming home feeling refreshed in our daily lives and invigorated in our marriage
I'm the kind of person who likes to make a plan - and I tend to react badly when forced to deviate from it. This kind of rigidity makes it difficult for me to yield to God's plans a lot of the time. I also tend to become most obsessive with my travel plans. In my very worst moment (missing the plane to Austria and melting down into a complete sobbing mess in the airport) the thought came to me that I should try to be more flexible.
This Orlando weekend gave me ample room to practice my flexibility. I had to reconsider my vacation philosophy. What else besides sunshine could make our vacation worthwhile? How could I find satisfaction beyond my unfulfilled vacation plans? If I've just spent the last week at home, sick and attached at the hip to Ryan, how could I make our vacation time together special and romantic?
I realized that if I opened my eyes to the gifts surrounding me, the little inconveniences would diminish - I had to throw away my expectations of the perfect vacation and just enjoy the experience.
Ryan and I were blessed with a wonderful vacation. We soaked in the beauty of the resort, tasted fine wine and cuisine (I won't eat fish unless I am near the ocean!), slowed down our pace, and really looked into each other's eyes as we talked. We also spent a wonderful afternoon with my college roommate, Farrah, who we haven't seen since our wedding day. We went exploring through Downtown Disney (hey, it's the only "free" place in the park) and rediscovered our childhood in all the little shops. I even managed to snag a little sunburn, despite the uncooperative weather.
All in all, it was one of the few vacations I ended feeling relaxed and not overly tired from excessive excursions. I also discovered that Ryan and I don't really need a romantic get-away at this point in our relationship. We keep the flame going in our every-day life. The best part of the vacation was spending time with Farrah. Until Ryan and I have children (and, therefore, the need for a romantic get-away), my vacation philosophy will include quality time with friends and family. Because of the setbacks during this vacation, I learned a little bit more about ditching my well-laid plans and following the Lord's plans instead.
***
Oh, the joys of air travel
Me (noticing the light flashing and siren ringing for another baggage claim): Where is our little flashy light and siren? It's my favorite part!
Ryan: We already missed it because it goes off before the luggage carousel starts moving.
Me: I like it because it reminds me of casino jackpots. Here's your luggage. You win.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
More Difficult Than I Thought It Would Be
Last week I was very excited to begin this blog. I felt inspired by the other bloggers out there, and I was determined to make my mark on the blogging community.
Then I got busy.
The good news is that as I ponder the things in my life to write about, I am beginning to find my life a bit more interesting. Or maybe I've just had a lot of interesting things happen to me this week. At any rate, I'm back on here today, determined to scratch out a niche for myself with my little computer keyboard. I also happen to have a few spare moments at work.
Then I got busy.
The good news is that as I ponder the things in my life to write about, I am beginning to find my life a bit more interesting. Or maybe I've just had a lot of interesting things happen to me this week. At any rate, I'm back on here today, determined to scratch out a niche for myself with my little computer keyboard. I also happen to have a few spare moments at work.
* * *
One of my particular challenges as a grad student's wife is the unpredictable schedule. My schedule is fairly standard: I work from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday - and then I am finished. Sort of. I like having my evenings and weekends "free" from work. Most of my "free" time, however, is spent doing all of the housewifely duties that I can't take care of while working. You may laugh, but I dream of the freedom to stay home with my kids and do housewifely chores during the 8am to 5pm time slot. My reason tells me that I will actually have less time when children arrive, but I can't shake the feeling that staying at home will feel luxurious compared to spending the majority of my day at my job.
Ryan's schedule is so transient I have stopped trying to quantify it. He generally goes into his lab each morning when I go to work. After that, his routine is a mystery to me. He's still on college time, where he's only bound to an hour here and there throughout the week. After his scheduled obligations he has several broad deadlines to contend with. His work doesn't end conveniently at 5pm with the end of my day.
Our different schedules challenge me spiritually and emotionally. When Ryan's grad work diminishes our time together in the evenings, I tend to become less motivated around the house (ok, usually downright lazy) and a bit lonely for company (see the void that children would fill!). I often fail to see these challenges as a spiritual gift - the cultivation of virtues in my life.
Having a husband in grad school requires a lot of sacrifices in our marriage. The lonely evenings and crazy schedules could allow me to grow in patience and to practice selfless giving (spending 8 hours a day working for other people, then coming home to cook, wash dishes, and clean up the house so my husband doesn't have to). What usually ends up happening is me sitting on the couch, deciding I would rather grab a snack food for dinner than get out the pots and pans for a nice meal, and then rationalizing that I am just too tired to go work-out or do the laundry so I had better just catch up on my tv shows online instead.
My hope is that by putting these reflections into words I will become more accountable to God's desire for me to grow in virtue. It's hard to deny truth when it's spelled out in front of me.
Ryan's schedule is so transient I have stopped trying to quantify it. He generally goes into his lab each morning when I go to work. After that, his routine is a mystery to me. He's still on college time, where he's only bound to an hour here and there throughout the week. After his scheduled obligations he has several broad deadlines to contend with. His work doesn't end conveniently at 5pm with the end of my day.
Our different schedules challenge me spiritually and emotionally. When Ryan's grad work diminishes our time together in the evenings, I tend to become less motivated around the house (ok, usually downright lazy) and a bit lonely for company (see the void that children would fill!). I often fail to see these challenges as a spiritual gift - the cultivation of virtues in my life.
Having a husband in grad school requires a lot of sacrifices in our marriage. The lonely evenings and crazy schedules could allow me to grow in patience and to practice selfless giving (spending 8 hours a day working for other people, then coming home to cook, wash dishes, and clean up the house so my husband doesn't have to). What usually ends up happening is me sitting on the couch, deciding I would rather grab a snack food for dinner than get out the pots and pans for a nice meal, and then rationalizing that I am just too tired to go work-out or do the laundry so I had better just catch up on my tv shows online instead.
My hope is that by putting these reflections into words I will become more accountable to God's desire for me to grow in virtue. It's hard to deny truth when it's spelled out in front of me.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Confessions
I have a confession make: I am a Catholic mom wannabe.
So what does this confession have to do with a blog? Well, I was inspired last week. I am not exactly the most technologically savvy person - please forgive me for my ignorance - and I literally just realized that there is an entire genre of blogging that includes Catholic mothers who stay at home and care for their families. Wow. Suddenly my world expanded. There are women online who actually do what I crave to do - stay at home and be a mom. Not just any kind of mom, but a Catholic mom.
Where am I at right now? I am halfway to motherhood. As my blog title indicates, I am married to a graduate student. My husband Ryan is plowing through his second year of five in a Ph.D. track at the University of Notre Dame. We want to start a family soon, but have yet to be blessed with children. I spend most of my time at a job on campus and waiting to be delivered from the workforce.
I have another confession to make: My life is lacking satisfaction. I've begun to realize that I need more substance in my life than logging 40 hours a week for a paycheck and coming home to snuggle up with Netflix in the evenings. This brings me back to my inspiration - Catholic mother blogs. A friend recently sent me a link to "Et tu?" and I can't stop reading this blog. Here is a woman living the life I want to start and inspiring me to delve deeper into my Catholic faith. I am totally hooked and I would like to join in on the discussion. I have a feeling it will be more edifying to hang out on blogspot.com than people.com (a pastime that has frequently quenched my boredom at work).
So, here I am. If anyone chooses to read my blog, I will be thrilled. If I am writing into the abyss, that's ok too.
So what does this confession have to do with a blog? Well, I was inspired last week. I am not exactly the most technologically savvy person - please forgive me for my ignorance - and I literally just realized that there is an entire genre of blogging that includes Catholic mothers who stay at home and care for their families. Wow. Suddenly my world expanded. There are women online who actually do what I crave to do - stay at home and be a mom. Not just any kind of mom, but a Catholic mom.
Where am I at right now? I am halfway to motherhood. As my blog title indicates, I am married to a graduate student. My husband Ryan is plowing through his second year of five in a Ph.D. track at the University of Notre Dame. We want to start a family soon, but have yet to be blessed with children. I spend most of my time at a job on campus and waiting to be delivered from the workforce.
I have another confession to make: My life is lacking satisfaction. I've begun to realize that I need more substance in my life than logging 40 hours a week for a paycheck and coming home to snuggle up with Netflix in the evenings. This brings me back to my inspiration - Catholic mother blogs. A friend recently sent me a link to "Et tu?" and I can't stop reading this blog. Here is a woman living the life I want to start and inspiring me to delve deeper into my Catholic faith. I am totally hooked and I would like to join in on the discussion. I have a feeling it will be more edifying to hang out on blogspot.com than people.com (a pastime that has frequently quenched my boredom at work).
So, here I am. If anyone chooses to read my blog, I will be thrilled. If I am writing into the abyss, that's ok too.
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