Is It Really Worth It?

Over the last few weeks I have really been considering if I should keep posting to this blog. The desire to free myself from distractions and grow closer to the Lord keeps tugging on my heart. Some times I wonder if all this technology is even worth the effort it takes to maintain it.

And then there's the issue of privacy. Am I putting my family's life at risk by posting stories and pictures online for the whole world to see? (Although, according to my sitemeter data, very little of the world is actually bothering to look at this blog - probably because I post so sporadically.)

The jury is still out on this one. I think I just need to discipline my daily routine and then determine if there is an open time to blog. Discipline continues to be a central theme in my life.

With Easter and Holy Week approaching, I am especially feeling the call to focus myself on what matters most. Does blogging stack up next to the rest of my priorities? Can I find a time to blog that isn't at 2am when my husband is on hall duty?

When I have the answers, I'll let you know.

Concidence? Ryan Thinks Not.

Ryan was on hall duty tonight. Since I can't seem to find my way to bed while he is still awake, I spent the evening watching movies & clicking around the internet. I stumbled onto this blog, which, coincidentally, speaks of issues I am currently battling: gluttony, sloth, & weight loss.

*Sigh*

I am convicted. I have to make "induced exercise" a priority. I must learn patience (because it sounds like my exercise won't become an enjoyable habit for at least a year). I'm gonna have to get off my duff and surrender my lazy ways.

More on this topic later.

Fourth Time's a Charm

Today was one of those days. The kind where I realize that I have to reconstruct my old ways of thinking to include a baby. It's the little things - you know, like getting anywhere on time. Especially getting to Mass on time.

Ryan and I had big plans to make it to the 12:15pm Mass this afternoon. Then he was up until 3am on hall duty last night (for his residence life job), an hour later than anticipated. I need at least 2 hours to get up and out the door on time for mass with baby Michael. I woke up too late. We notice it's snowing like crazy. We decide to attend a later Mass.

So we plan on going to the 5:30pm instead. And then a friend who lives in NY wants to drop by because she is only in town until tomorrow evening. By the time we usher her out the door and dig out the car, it's 5:22pm and we're late. Plus Ryan has work to do and would prefer to go to the 8:00pm Mass here on campus.

I leave to attend a social event and plan to return to campus no later than 7:45pm. Of course, as I'm walking out the door of the event at 7:40pm Michael is beginning to fuss. And it's still snowing. By the time I nurse Michael, change his diaper, and gingerly navigate my way to the car to avoid a total wipeout, I'm late again.

Our fourth and final option is to attend a dorm Mass with my sister on the ND campus. It starts at 10:00pm. I can't believe I'm actually attending a Mass that barely meets the Sunday requirement. But this time I'm ready. We are out the door by 9:35pm and in the chapel before most of the students stumble through the door. I am finally at Mass early.

Then I proceed to spend the next hour jiggling and swaying and making faces at Michael. I may be there physically, but I'm having a real difficult time keeping myself there mentally.

It's just one of those days.

Hangin' With My Hubby

Ryan is on hall duty tonight. That means we get to sit quietly in our apartment with the door open from 10pm to 2am to make sure the boys are following all the rules. Ryan's job is enforcer. My job is moral support.

I am so tired - this is all I can think to write. It doesn't help that it just now took me a solid 5 minutes to remember the term "moral support" (and I reacted with disdain and disbelief when Ryan vocalized the phrase for me - until I realized he was, in fact, correct).

Only an hour and a half to go...

First Snow!

I don't like snow. Well, I don't really like snow after dealing with it for a long time. But it's always exciting when you get your first really good snow of the season. And ours has come early this year!

Notice the nice (zipped-up) maternity coat that I am sporting in this picture. I had been wavering on whether or not to purchase a coat because I only have a month left to go. However, my desire for warmth finally trumped my frugality. Yesterday my mother and I went shopping and found a nice, cozy winter coat to fit the expanding dimensions of my belly. And boy, I sure didn't wait a moment too long! The lake-effect snow kicked in about an hour after our stop at the mall. A very fortunate event!

Then last night Ryan and I had to get out and play in the fresh, puffy snow. We threw on our coats over our pajamas and grabbed the camera. I think a few of the hall residents gave us funny looks on our way out the door. I often wonder what they think of us.... I mean, we are obviously older than them, married, and having a baby - BUT - then we have these moments when we can't help but play like little kids.

And then we woke up this morning to...

...MORE SNOW!

Here's a picture of Ryan digging out our car this morning, on his way to class. Even with a foot of snow, and more falling, the university didn't cancel classes. It's an unheard of luxery around here - an honest to goodness snow day.

I am enjoying the snow now. We'll see how long it lasts!

Apartment Photos!

Our old apartment - getting ready to move out.

Our new apartment - the "before"

Our new apartment - after tidying up on Sunday!


Our new kitchen, from the viewpoint of the living room


My newly organized pantry!

Back From Hiatus

A lot has happened in the last 10 days. I can't believe it's been that long! But I have much to tell of the twists and turns in our graduate school life.

Biggest news: Ryan and I found out that we are going to have a baby!

It's truly amazing how God's plans work out in the end. My plan was to get pregnant, apply for the Residence Director job, and then quit my full-time job in anticipation of motherhood. God's plan was for me to learn how to trust Him and follow Him in faith without knowing the outcome. I was definitely not pregnant when we applied for the job - but we applied anyway (late, and with no help from me - Ryan did it all). Then we were offered the job and I still didn't know what was going on with my future possible motherhood. We decided to accept the job before we knew if a child was in womb. Here's the amazing part - we found out the day we signed the contract that our first child is on the way. Faith first, then answers.

It was so much fun telling our families the big news. Ryan and I have been questioned about possible pregnancies since our wedding day. My sisters have been suspicious every time our family gathers for dinner.

"Any announcements?" they would query over the dining room table.

"Nope. But don't worry, you'll be the first to know," I always replied.

Imagine their surprise and joy when my answer finally changed! Baby Sister just jumped and screamed and jumped some more. Middle Sister was still away at college and we had to tell her over the phone. She was thrilled - so very excited, in fact, that I was kind of shocked by her reaction. A few days later she called me to chat and explained that her mindset had recently changed about Ryan and I becoming parents. At first she was unconvinced that we were ready for parenthood. Within the last two weeks, however, she had a change of heart and started yearning to become an auntie. What joy to make her wish come true!

Ryan's parents were even more fun to tell our good news. It was his mother's birthday and he gave her gift of becoming a grandmother. Both of Ryan's parents jumped around and yelled and hugged us when they found out. I really didn't expect to be overwhelmed with such unfettered joy. I guess we are in a really special position. This baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, and the first great-grandchild on three out of the four sides. I can't even imagine how spoiled he or she will be...

Telling our close friends was also a wonderful experience. So many people having been praying for us to have a baby. It's not like we were in a horrible situation of infertility, but it's been a long wait since our wedding day. Many of our friends espouse the Franciscan view of begetting children on the honeymoon. Let's just say that waiting nearly two years is an unusually long time for our set of friends. If Ryan didn't immediately go to graduate school we might have had a honeymoon baby too. We just have to deal with the challenges of life as they come at us. Graduate school is definitely one such challenge!

The only unfortunate event that occurred in the last week was that Middle Sister leaked our good news onto Facebook before we had a chance to tell some people personally. A couple of my close friends saw Facebook before I could call them and it ruined the surprise element. But how can I be angry at the joy of my sister? I still called my friends - better late than never! I guess that is just a consequence of modern technology. News by Facebook travels faster than news by phone.

According to my NFP charts, our little baby should arrive around December 21st. Yes, I know, he or she will be a Christmas Baby. Seriously, that is the first thing people say when they find out my due date. I am six weeks along at this point, which means the baby is technically 4 weeks old - one month already!

Another question everyone asks is how am I feeling. I've been lucky thus far - I feel practically normal. The only difference is being much more tired and little more hungry. The hungry thing is weird because sometimes a certain food will smell terrible to me, but then it tastes just fine. The challenges arises in getting over the unappetizing smell and actually eating the food. I am probably hungry because I refuse to eat what is available!

There will be much to talk of in the coming months. I don't think I will have such a long break between posts again. And now I am so excited to keep writing. This is officially a mommy blog!

Big Decisions: A Resolution

I wrote earlier this week about having to make the decision whether or not to accept a college Residence Director position with my husband. After prayer, discussion, and unloading the responsibility onto my husband's shoulders, Ryan and I agreed to accept the position. A wife should follow where her husband leads. In this case, it freed me from my own road-blocks. I decided to trust my husband's guidance and refused to be anxious over the decision.

In fact, I feel pretty peaceful about it. I know we are taking on a huge responsibility and we will have to move again this summer (it's becoming an annual event!). But, I can't shake the feeling that it's all going to work out. And for some reason the college wants us to do the job. It's all too uncanny not to be the work of God.

We went in to sign the papers yesterday. It was also a good time for questions, a few logistics for the summer before our job officially begins, and for me to double-check that they do in fact want a family, possible crying babies and all, to live in a dorm. I also had to ask - why us? I mean, we don't have a ton of residence life experience. And Brother C. just flat out told us that we were the best qualified for the job. Technically Ryan has the job, and I am coming along as a "bonus" addition. But they think Ryan's life experiences and personality have what it takes to be a good Residence Director. We also have a good marriage and we will be an example of the vocation of marriage. Brother C. assured us that we were not chosen because of the novelty of being a married couple. He said we were chosen because we are the best fit for the position. Wow - I certainly don't feel that confident in our abilities!

It's going to be an adventure, to say the least.

Big Decisions

It's really interesting that Jen should happen to write about turning over situations to God at the very moment that I need to hear it. I enjoy reading the comments posted by other readers - and learning their stories of how God guided them through tough situations. My faith is strengthened when I hear about God-moments in other people's lives. I definitely need a little extra boost in my faith right now too.

Here is my tough situation: Ryan and I were offered a job as Residence Directors for a college dorm.

I realize that this isn't a life or death situation. But it is causing me a lot of stress. And acne. It's the kind of situation that seems to warrant the most prayer - one that involves a job (aka: money) and moving. I don't really know what I want, so I am going to lay out my thoughts in a pro/con list.

Pros:
1. This is a ministry job - it would have a clear and distinct purpose, something I find lacking in my current job.
2. If we have baby, and I quit my current job (which I will happen), we will have a little side income to supplement Ryan's grad stipend.
3. If we don't have a baby, I would still quit my current full-time day job and work a part-time job instead.
4. I am frustrated in my current job - this could be a good change.
5. We are night people, this is an evening kind of job.
6. No rent and free meals - good for Ryan when I don't have the energy to cook.
7. The bedrooms in the dorm apartment are a bit bigger, and there are 2 bathrooms (instead of one).
8. The dorm washer and dryer are right next to our apartment (easy access).
9. The campus is really small and we would get to know everyone - there is a good possibility for community.
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.

Cons:
1. What kind of time commitment are we really getting ourselves into?
2. If I have a baby, I will have to take care of baby and a dorm full of boys.
3. Lack of privacy.
4. I hate change.
5. What if I still have to wake up the same time I do now (aka: too early) while going to bed later than I already do?
6. The free meals are dorm food - I would probably still buy groceries and cook a lot anyway.
7. The kitchen in the dorm apartment is smaller than our current kitchen - much smaller.
8. We have our own washer and dryer in our current apartment - and we would have to share them with a bunch of guys in the dorm.
9. We already have a community in our little neighborhood - at the very least, we are good friends with one neighbor!
10. This decision involves a huge leap of faith.

Ok. So in reading through my two lists, it seems like most of my "Cons" are just complaints. I've outlined some real issues (time and privacy), but the rest are mostly issues of convenience.

I guess it all comes down to trust and figuring out what is God's will for Ryan and me. Sometimes I can be a little dense, and it may take me a few lifeboats (ever hear the joke about the flood?) before I understand where God wants me to go. This situation seems to have a lot of those lifeboats, however. There are too many "chance" occurrences surrounding the job offer. Ryan and I just happened to contact one of his old college professors (who we had been meaning to catch up with) and he, now an administrator, just happened to think we would be good for the Residence Director job. We happened to miss the application due date, but the college let us turn it in late anyway. An opening for a part-time job just happened to come to my attention the week Ryan and I found out the college wanted us to take the Residence Director position.

I don't necessarily believe in coincidences. But I do believe that God will move and shake events or occurrences in my life to help me follow His path. Right now I just need to feel peace about our decision. In order to find my peace, I have to turn over this situation to the Lord, and try to follow as best I can.